It's been brought to my attention
that their friendship is inappropriate.
If I ever softened the truth,
it was only to protect you.
And the scar on my back?
The one you burned into me.
Was that to protect me, too?
I want to become a Meyerist.
I just saw JP. He wants me to help him.
The answer is to find more JPs. Make them my followers.
I think that this is the cause of a celebration.
Is Lilith alive? She's alive.
But if you contact her, she might tell you things, Sarah,
that make it impossible for you to go back.
Do you know where she is?
She's a veterinarian
on Riverside and 72nd Street.
You found me.
The first vision came to me when I was seven.
I was in my room trying to sleep.
My parents were fighting very badly again, so...
I lay there sad and afraid,
when suddenly I...
I saw light in my window,
and it wasn't the moon because there wasn't a moon that night.
And I stood up to see what it was,
and as I pulled myself toward it,
the light just burst through
and wrapped itself around me like a warm blanket.
How did you know what it was?
I didn't. Not at first, but I...
I felt comforted, understood,
like I was no longer alone.
The Light continued to visit me regularly
over the next 15 years
until the message was revealed.
How was the message revealed? Did The Light speak to you?
There was no voice or words.
But sometimes it showed me things.
And every time I felt its presence,
I had the need directly after to write.
There was a message I was compelled to put down.
Was the message much different than Meyerism?
Different to what Steve
I was 13 when my parents brought me to Steve.
I saw the journals...
at least the ones that you and Steve worked on together.
He kept them?
My parents didn't understand my writings and obsessions,
writing visions of the end of the world,
so they sought out a psychiatrist for me.
I thought he worked for the military?
Yes, but he took on private patients that interested him.
Did he...
steal your visions?
He believed in me.
He helped me make sense
of the visions, The Ladders, these rungs.
It's like we worked on it together.
What is it?
I don't believe in you.
I was hoping that I was gonna come here
and you were gonna answer
all the questions about the religion I have been...
devoted to my whole life.
And you were gonna help me believe again.
I wish I could be the answer for you,
but I can only tell you about my experiences.
Take this.
It's what The Light revealed to me.
The Truth.
So, after a lot of thought and careful consideration,
Sarah and I've decided that...
she will no longer be a part of The Movement.
Mom wants to leave The Movement?
Listen, kid, she has been struggling
with her faith for a while.
And we realized that she just doesn't want to be here.
Why didn't she say anything to me?
Look, I am sure that she will reach out to you today.
We made the decision late last night.
Look, as you know, Sarah is deeply loved here.
I think we can help the membership see
that her departure is a personal choice.
Nothing to do with you or your leadership.
I appreciate that.
I don't want there to be gossip
where there doesn't need to be.
Neither does your mother.
Hey, Cal, if you have a second, I'd like to
Yeah.
See you, kid.
You know, it seems, with every new member,
we have ten new problems.
How can I help?
Well, city inspector came through,
said our nursery is over capacity,
said that we need to refile
as a schoolage child care educational center,
but there's a 14month application backlog.
Right. I'm guessing we won't be allowed
to operate in the meantime.
Only...
the inspector literally said
maybe there's a way to move our application
to the top of the pile.
He wants to Yeah, then...
there's this idiot.
Rufus Mott? Yeah.
Rufus is suing us for $2 million.
He voluntarily ended his 1R training.
Right.
Then the next day he slipped and fell on some wet stairs.
What does Carla say?
Thinks that we should settle out of court.
Seems like a dangerous precedent,
especially the way we're growing.
Exactly. I don't know.
I mean... this is all bullshit.
He doesn't deserve anything.
It's just Vera always dealt with this.
-  How? - 
 Where is she?
 State your name, please.
 Vera Stephens.
 All right, Vera.
The first question we always ask,
and I want you to think carefully before you answer
why are you here?
 To be free,
to be in control of my life, for my life to be my own.
 Do you currently feel like
you're not in control of your own life?
 Yes. Yes.
 Is there anything else?
 I want to be good.
 Once you start this work,
you won't question your goodness.
 Hey, Rita.  Cal, Eddie, hi.
We were just having a really great intake session.
 Great. Well, we'll let you get back to it.
We just need to speak with Vera for a minute.
 Of course.
 Thank you.  Thank you.
 Look, I, um...
I hate to do this to you, but
 We need help to pick up where you left off.
 You got a knack with these sort of situations.
 Um...
I don't want to be that person anymore.
 No, no, no, now. We're not looking for you to do anything.
Just, just help us mimic
your unique brand of personal efficiency.
 Highpowered lawyers,
bribes, and blackmail.
 Am I just wasting my time here? I mean...
Can't someone like me become a great Meyerist?
 Yes.
Of course.
Okay, we've all done things.
 Um, I want to take the ODE,
you know, the one thatthat the boy tookLogan.
The one with the swastika.  Yeah, yeah.
No, but why?  The ODE is for
 "Especially damaged Possibles."
I know. I remember.
It scores your potential for The Light.
 Yeah, I mean, it's supposed to.
But that test is outdated  I want to take it.
You don't know the things I've done
and the people I come from.
 Hey, stop.
Look, I know you.
Okay? You are full of Light.
I don't need the ODE to tell me that.
 Well, I do.
 What's going on?
 I could ask the same of you.
 Look, I'm sorry
about my behavior at Dad's offering night.
 You left The Movement.
 So it's out?  You're Sarah Lane, okay?
Of course it's out.  Look, I'm sorry. I've been
 What am I supposed to tell my kids about their aunt?
 Tell them whatever you need to, Russel.
 Okay, look, if you are suffering.
There's something going on.
We're all here for you.
 Thank you. II appreciate that. I...
 Yeah.
 What's that?
What's going on?
 Russel?
There you are. Hey.
 Mom, what are you doing? .
We're gonna get through this.
 Are you moving in?
 I'm just providing support in this time
temporary support.
 That's the last of it.  Thank you, darling.
Mwah.
 Let me know if you need anything.
 Russel  We're all good.
We're all good.  Wait.
 I'll stay in Hawk's room.  Mom, this is so unnecessary.
 But it is so necessary.
It is absolutely, 100% necessary.
 I know this is difficult.  No.
I talked to your dad about it, and we're in agreement.
 You talked to Dad?  Every day.
And I promised him.
I will not let you leave The Movement.
 We're usually drinking...
a group of us powerful men.
There's champagne and cigars, oysters.
Girls inevitably join. They want to be with us.
 Women. 
 They're women, Congressman.
 I know.
Jesus, I know, but see, the thing is
 Sexual harassment.
 What isn't these days?
 Three women are accusing you of groping them
in the ladies' room on three separate occasions.
 That's bullshit, okay?
These girls drink so much, they can hardly even walk.
I'm helping them get to the toilet.
What is the harm in that?
 There could be lots of harm,
but the harm I care about
 Jesus. You sound like the lawyers.
 But the harm I care about,
the harm I know you care about,
is the harm you're doing to yourself.
 Plenty of politicians have kept
their seats after doing something like this.
 I don't give a fuck
about you keeping your seat.  Reassuring.
 You pay other people to do that.
I care about you.
I care about you...
harming yourself psychically,
emotionally.
Look at her.
Now, when you see a woman like Mary,
what do you need from her?
No, look at me, Buck. Me only.
What do you need from a woman...
when you sexualize her immediately?
 I need .
What do you need from that woman?
Tell me right now.
 To tell me something.  What?
 That they notice me.
 What do you want them to notice about you?
 That I'm a man.
 That's what I thought.
Please stand up, Buck.
Right, stand up, please, now.
 What's going on?
 Unbuckle your pants and pull down your underwear, please.
 Fuck you, buddy.
Look, I'm not one of your little followers.
 Listen to me.
Stand up, unbuckle your pants, pull down your underwear,
now, please.
What is this?
Some kind of joke or something?
You some kind of pervert?  No...
And it's not.
But you will lose everything
if you piss away this opportunity.
I know...
you're scared and vulnerable.
This is not a joke or aa humiliation.
Go on.
 This is insane.
 Take a look down.
Go ahead.
What's down there?
  Never mind.
You know what it is.  I do.
 It's you.
You are...
a man.
Right there is all the proof you need.
Say it.
"I am a man."
 I am... a man.
 Right?
Of course you are.
Now let's start talking about why you're so fucking angry.
You can pull your pants up.
 So wait, let me get this straight.
Caleb's father visits your dad,
tells him he doesn't want you two together,
and that's the last you hear from him?
 He texted me saying
that he needed to take care of some stuff.
I really don't want to talk about this right now.
 That's awful. Horrible.
I hope he's okay.
 Caleb could come live with us.
 He could because we are part of a faith
that is so loving and compassionate and accepting.
it wasn't always so accepting.
 That is debatable.
 You're open to the possibility.
That's new.
 Look where we are now. That's what matters.
 I'm sorry you're going through this.
It sounds like Caleb
has some tough choices to make right now.
 Is that what you're doing?
Making choices?  I guess it is.
Um, I don't like
 The direction The Movement is heading.
But it's temporary. 
 So why not fight it?
I mean, nothing changes if youif you don't push back.
Or did Dad really bully you into leaving?
 It was a mutual decision.
 Well, I really wish you'd told me you were discussing this.
It's hard being at the mercy of everyone else's choices
when it doesn't always feel like I have one of my own.
 Shit.  Hey.
Look, it's not like that.
Okay? I justI just want to talk.
Please.
You never finished your 1R training.
It says in your intake folder
that you didn't finish college either...
at three different places.
Computer school, music school  So what?
 I mean, you came to us
in search of something.
What are you looking for, Rufus?
 I don't know.
 You don't know? Come on, take a guess.
 Look, I'm not supposed to  Take a guess.
 Somewhere I belong... I guess.
 See, I hear that.
What made you feel like you didn't belong with us?
 II don't know, man.  Are you sure?
 All the personal questions.
I was down with it at first, but then it got, like...
too personal...
  Like, invasive.
 Listen, what if we were able to create
a program where you were able to have
some more private space?
Could we convince you to come back?
Drop the lawsuit, give us another try?
 I knew you were going to try some Jedi mind trick bullshit.
 No, hey, I'm just trying to help you out, okay?
 You're trying to get out of paying me.
You guys have money.
 Yeah, money to help people
people in need, people with addiction,
homeless families, victims of disasters.
 Yeah.
I really can't do this.
You got to go. My manager's gonna flip.
 Look, I understand...
that space is very important to you,
that you must had a lot of it growing up as a kid
only child in that big house of your parents on Bay Street.
Till they split.  That's none of your business.
 Then you two were forced to move around
you and your mom...
a lot less space.
 They told me you wouldn't read all that.
 But your dad was able to stay put
in that big house of his on Bay Street...
now with his new family...
even after your mom tried to sue him over and over again,
but your dad didn't care.
He would rather spend every dollar he made on a lawyer
so he wouldn't have to give your mom the money
that she deserved.
Look, you can just keep looking,
or you can come back... somewhere you belong.
It's your decision.
 Please state your name.  Vera...
Asan.
 Asan?
Answer the questions openly and honestly.
I changed it to Stephens when I...
when I got married and didn't change it back.
 How do you feel?  Awake...
and scared.
 Are you instinctive by nature?
 Yes.
 Are you reliable in an emergency?
 Yes.
 Are, you responsive to other people's emotions?
 Yes.
 Do you ever feel remorse?  Yes.
 Do you ever replay terrible events from your past?
 No.
 Um, do you think your regrets are your own?
 No.
 Who do you share them with?  My mother.
 Have you been reincarnated?
 We're doomed to one life.
 You don't believe in an afterlife?
 I believe in this life.
 Recall and define
your first experience of bliss.
 Graduating college.  Deeper.
Bliss.
Don't think.
 There's a tree.
 A tree?  Yes.
And it's so beautiful...
because it's a lone tree in a field of grass.
 Are you the tree?
 No.
I'm running toward it.
I'm about five or six.
The sun is shining so bright.
It bursts through the leaves,
making a kaleidoscope of designs on the ground.
II'm laughing so hard, my stomach hurts.
But I'mI'm sad, too...
Because even though I'm so young, I...
I know this laughing is not something I normally do.
Aand there's a boy.
He's chasing me.
He's so sweet and funny.
Has aand has a head of sandy hair.
And he's laughing, too.
Yeah...
laughing likelike me,
like one who never laughs.
And then he takes a knife out...
and carves a heart into the bark.
And he says,
"This is what teenagers do."
And then my father calls me to come inside, and it's...
And it's over.
Is that the last question?
Cal?
 Cal?  Yes. Sorry. Um...
You can, you can return to your day now.
 We don't expect it to happen overnight.
She didn't get to where she is now all at once,
so it will take some time
to get back where we need her to be.
I know. I see it, too.
It still burns in her, as bright as it ever did.
-  Mom. -  God.
You scared me.  Who are you talking to?
 He usually comes home around sunset.
I guess no one told him I was staying with you.
 The bird followed you?  Of course he did.
Marriage doesn't end with death.
 Dad?
We were just talking about you.
Good night.
I'll see you in the morning, sweetheart.
 Hi.  Hi.
 I'm sorry, I just, um,
wanted to come and pray before I went home.
 No, please. Come join me.
 Do you always pray at night?
 Yeah, you know, there's just not that much...
time to pray anymore.
 Okay.
 Yeah.
There's just a lot going on right now.
 There always was.
Yeah.
 I know this is probably the last thing
you need to think of, but...
did Cal give you my ODE results?
 Look, sometimes it just takes time to score, but...
I'll check in with him in the morning.
 Eddie Lane?
 Yeah.
 You've been served restraining order.
Stay away from Rufus Mott.
Next time you see him is in court.
 Hey.
Congressman Harbaugh called. You rocked it.
He wants to work with you again.
 Great. Yeah, that'sthat's great.
 Tomorrow.  That's.
Tomorrow? No, um...
No, tell himtell him next week.
 Why?  I'm just.
There's a lot going on here.
 We're not trying to stay here, remember?
If you don't meet with him, what's he going to tell JP?
If JP's not happy, then how are we gonna get more clients,
and if we can't get more clients
 All right, so call him.
Um, set it up.
But you go.
 II can't run a session like that.
 Yes, yes, you can.
I know it. All right?
You've seen me do it long enough.
And, honestly, you can help him more than I can.
He needs toto deal with women like you
if he's gonna keep his seat in Congress.
 Cal?  Yeah?
 Isis it true about Sarah Lane?
 Look, I want everyone who lives here, 1R and up,
just to start keeping an eye on each other.
 So you're asking us to spy on each other?
 No, kid, that is not what I'm saying.
 That is exactly what you're saying.
 This a good time?
I dealt with the city inspector.
We are now a schoolage child care educational center.
 All right, well, I'm not gonna ask you
how much that cost, but thank you.
 I have to go.  No, no.
Okay, I want to talk to you, okay?
And actually you, too, about the...
the protocol of possible defectors.
 Defectors?
 All right, sorry, wrong choice of word.
 Defectors like Rufus Mott or defectors like Mom?
 Kid...  I have to go.
 Hey. Where are you
I want to discuss this.
 I guess the lawsuit isn't going too well?
 My God.
Hey, um, how did Vera's ODE go?
 Yeah. Um...
 B matrix?
 Yeah, Steve called it, hope and heaven.
 So she's blocked.
 Yeah, yeah, but that's common with atheists.
It's the end, her response to bliss...
 It's heartbreaking.
"A boy and girl who rarely laughed."
You believe in this test?
 Um...
Steve used to say,
"Everyone is a prism."
The test evaluates internal reflections
so as to predict external potential.
 Well, I thought Logan had potential,
but this test said he did not.
 Yeah, um...
some people don't test well.
 Get rid of it.
 Hey...
I'm sorry to make you meet me like this.
 It's just my dad's all over me, and...
I think he has, like, the whole church looking out for me.
 What did he say?
 Not a damn word.
 So then how do you know?
Christian college?
 It's, um...
it's conversion therapy.
 II thought that was illegal.  Yeah.
In a lot of places, but...
not everywhere.
 Your Dad is  He just...
Hehe loves me.  This isn't love.
 Okay, look, please keep your voice down.
 But it isn't.  Okay, I know. I do. I know.
Butlook, it's just it's just complicated, Hawk.
 It's not complicated.
If your church does not accept you as you are,
then to hell with them.
 That's not fair to say.
 Okay, "fair" is accepting you as you are, okay?
Thatthat is fair!
That is fair.
Look, you canyou can...
You can stay at my mom's house, all right?
If you need a place.
You do not have to do this.  You don't understand.
 I'm going through this, too, okay?
 No. No, you're not.
Look...
Look, it's already difficult being a black man in America.
That's my starting line.
Then... a gay one?
I'm sorry.
It isit is different for me.
It just is.
 I'm sorry, but...
this cannot be the only way.
 Yeah...
it might be.
 Don't.  Look, I just...
I just wanted to let you know in case...
you didn't hear from me for a while.
I'm sorry.
 I've been reading your book.
And the messageI can feel that your words ring true.
And you received the word from The Light?
 Yes. Sarah, what's going on?
 I need you to explain something to me.
My father died recently.  I'm sorry.
 Why don't I feel at peace knowing
that he's in The Garden?
 You didn't finish my book, did you?
 You'd know I never saw a Garden.
Steve added a Garden.
He knew The Light's message would be less palatable
without a happy ending.
 That's... That's impossible.
Well, what happens to us after we die, then?
 I don't know what happens after we die.
All I know is the message I received.
I can show you what I saw.
 Come in.
Hey.  Hey.
Um...
is this about my ODE?
 Come here.
You did great.
 Well, what was my what was my score?
 86.
 86...?
 It's good, Vera.
But 86 is
 It's great.
Okay? You are full of Light.
 I am?
Well, 86 wasn't really good at Oxford.
 Well, that's great here.
Okay? Hey.
You are great here.
Don't go.
 Bye.
 Hey, you, think I could see you again tonight?
 Maybe.
Yes.
Good, because, um, I'm gonna need some cheering up
after getting an earful from Carla.
You're using her for counsel.
Why?
They can help.
But be careful.
You don't want to ever need them again.
 So, when we left off, you were starting
to talk about your anger.
 Rocks?
 I'm not here to drink.
You know, we are here to do the work.
 "Here to do the work."
Except here's the thing...
If someone schedules an appointment with me
and my aide shows up instead,
that person knows that they're low priority.
 Well, then it's a good thing that I'm not Cal's aide.
 No, you're not.
You're his prop.
 Cal trusts me. And he should.
 I've been accused of sexual assault.
He put you in a hotel room with me...
alone.
What does that tell you about the man's essential character?
 Who was it who drank in your life, Congressman?
You're going to drinking problems.
You are really clutching at straws.
 And you are really clutching at that drink
like it's a life preserver.
I mean, you haven't taken a single sip,
but you don't dare put it down.
It gives you comfort.
 It's the smell, isn't it?
It was your mother who drank whiskey.
Right?
 My mother was always off at some party.
I was basically raised by nannies.
But some nights,
very late at night, she would stumble into my room.
She would kiss my face.
And she would tell me that...
she loved me so much.
 And that is why you're angry.
Isn't it?
I mean, I'd be mad if my mother only told me
that she loved me when she had whiskey on her breath.
I suppose...
if you make yourself so completely unworthy of love...
Women can't let you down.
It's time to let that go, Congressman.
It's time for the real work to begin.
 Okay.
 Hi.  Hey.
 It will hurt,
and it may not help you believe in me or anything,
for that matter.
But you will witness some of what I saw.
And it may bring you closer to what you're looking for.
 I'm ready.
 The ego's husk...
Will crumble.
The veil will be lifted.
 The end will be revealed.
The end will be revealed.
The end...
 Will be revealed.