Wings of Titania,
bear mine eyes aloft as I bid thee...
Hex bag. So we're thinking witch?
Yeah. This is old-world black magic.
We're here for the witch. Rowena.
Mother?
You did manage to stay away for 300 years.
There was the unpleasantness with the grand coven.
It was no environment for a child!
- So, what did he take? - Peanut butter and bread.
They sent me to a boys' home.
Teaches you some discipline and responsibility, Dean.
Keep you out of trouble.
It's Cain. As in Cain and Abel?
Lucifer was gonna make my brother into his pet.
And so I offered a deal --
It's the bloody Mark of Cain.
So I became a soldier of Hell --
I can give you the Mark, Dean, if it's what you truly want.
But you have to know with the Mark comes a great burden.
What the hell? Charlie?
We're still connected physically.
If you hurt her, you hurt me.
Dean!
I'm so sorry, kiddo.
I forgive you, Dean.
You good?
No.
It wasn't me, man! I didn't take it!
You keep on coming and stealing from me!
It was that --
Where's my money? Where's my money?!
You give me my money!
Swear on my mother, J.P.,
I see your face in here again...
I'll kill you.
Like hell.
This is freakin' America, man. You can't just --
What you looking at?
After Cain killed Abel, he became a demon.
I felt connected to you right from the beginning.
You and I are very much alike.
I can give you the Mark, Dean, if it's what you truly want.
But when I kill, I kill for a reason.
I'm nothing like Cain.
Why are you fighting what you really are?
♪ Sometimes I sit and I stare at the rain ♪
♪ isn't rain filled with sorrow? ♪
♪ Wonder if I'll see my home again ♪
♪ will it be dry tomorrow? ♪
♪ Time passes softly, and I'm a day older ♪
♪ but still I'm living days gone by ♪
♪ ashes to ashes, the rain's turning colder ♪
♪ finding tomorrow, the ashes, the rain and I ♪
Hey. Hey.
Caught a case.
Apparently something is taking people
and leaving their clothes.
Hmm. About time this gig got an "R" rating.
All right.
Why don't you check it out? I'll hold down the fort.
Dean, you haven't left the bunker in a week.
And?
And you can't just live the rest of your life
locked up in this room.
I don't know. I got three hots and a cot.
Could be worse.
Look, I know you're worried about the Mark.
Yes, Sam. I am.
Between what I did to Charlie --
Charlie forgave you.
How about you forgive yourself?
Because I'm not exactly batting 1,000 here, you know?
Yeah, I do know that,
but staying locked up in here, sitting on the ground
reading the same lore books over and over and over again,
it's not helping you.
You need to get back in the game for your own good.
You can beat this, Dean.
Do you really believe that?
Yeah, you're damn right I believe that.
You know, you also believed
in the Easter Bunny till you were 12.
No, I didn't.
Look, I was 11.
And a half.
And a half. Right.
So?
Okay.
And then -- then -- then there was this bright light,
and -- bam -- the dude's just gone.
Nothing left but, uh...
A cheap suit and a pair of Florsheims?
Pretty much.
You see anyone else?
No, sir, Officer.
And what about, uh, a chill?
Or did you smell any rotten eggs?
What?
No, man. Uh...
I smelled flowers, though.
You smelled flowers? What kind of flowers?
Flowery flowers.
Look.
We all know what's going on here, okay?
Don't say it.
Aliens.
He said it.
Yeah, he did.
Dude was abducted.
Believe me, I know.
May 2003. Those suckers, they grabbed me,
and they probed me everywhere. Okay.
Thanks for your time. Yeah. I'm talking everywhere.
And I mean everywhere. Okay, okay.
Well, the wheels just came flying off the bus.
Yeah.
No cold spots means it probably wasn't a ghost.
And no sulfur means no demons,
so that leaves us with what?
Couple of little green dudes and a bucket of lube?
Or fairies.
Or...Angels.
Ugh. I'd rather have the little green dudes.
All right, I'll go scope out J.P.'s place.
You, uh -- you ask around inside.
Or you know what?
We don't have to split up.
No, no, no. It's cool.
I can handle a little 20 questions with the locals, okay?
You sure? Yeah, hey, look, it's a dive bar.
It's my comfort zone, hmm?
All right. Good.
Great.
♪ It's only a matter of time ♪
♪ it's only a matter of time ♪
What can I do you?
Screw it. I'm gonna believe in myself.
Attaboy.
Give me something dark and strong.
Hey, did you know that guy that went missing -- J.P.?
Who's asking?
Just an old pal.
Look, I'm sorry to hear about what happened.
But... guy's a lowlife.
That night, I had to kick his ass out of here
for stealing my tips.
Whatever J.P. got...
Probably had it coming.
Ouch.
♪ You feel that separation ♪
♪ will put a stop to all you've seen to ♪
♪ the same old situation ♪
♪ though you struggle through life ♪
♪ in the end, it defeats you ♪
♪ Oooooh ♪
♪ oooooh ♪
J.P. wasn't that bad.
You knew him?
This isn't exactly "Cheers," but yeah.
And don't get me wrong,
I would not buy a used car from the guy.
But he was harmless.
So, what was his problem?
What wasn't?
You're in here getting stunned while the sun's still up,
your life's a regular Charlie Foxtrot.
Trust me.
I'm Dean.
Tina.
There you go.
How do you know the Royale Motel in Scranton?
My dad, me, and my bro -- we got snowed in there for a week.
Well, I was there for about three months
after my father drank all our money away.
Lived on white rice and tic tacs until they kicked us out.
Good times.
My dad was always working,
so I came up with about 101 different ways
to make macaroni and cheese.
Serious?
Oh, yeah. Now, add ketchup for spice, hmm?
Uh, tuna, hot dogs,
fluff marshmallow mix.
Ugh! That sounds disgusting.
Yeah, well, my brother thought it was exotic.
Well, here's to, uh, crappy childhoods.
Hey. All right.
Oh.
Oh. Sorry.
I should go.
Uh...
Before you fall hopelessly in love with me.
You gonna be okay?
I always am.
How we looking? Not great.
Turns out J.P. was about three days from getting evicted.
His landlord said the guy blasted Neil Diamond 24/7
and that his bathroom was,
"like staring into the Devil's butt."
That's vivid.
And accurate. I saw it.
You saw the John, or, uh --
Don't.
So, you got anything?
Yeah.
I got, uh, Jack with two scoops of squat.
I don't know, man.
I think we ought to just call it a night and, uh...
And what?
Dean? Hello?
Sammy, I think I got something.
Tina?
What the hell?
Son of a bitch.
Seriously?
Hey.
What's your name?
Dean.
Dean? It's me -- Tina.
What?
Please tell me you know what the hell is going on.
Honestly, I'm not sure yet.
Because I left the bar and then there was this...
A light? A bright light?
Yes, and then I was here,
and I thought this was a nightmare,
but...
Oh, God, if you're here...
It can't be real. This doesn't --
I know. Just try to stay calm, okay?
Stay calm? I'm a freakin' tween,
and you look like some One Direction reject.
And we're in some freaky serial-killer basement.
I can't -- Tina, Tina, just --
I'm not gonna let anything happen to you, okay?
Well, anything else happen to you.
This is crazy.
How are you so calm?
Practice.
Who's your friend?
I'm not sure.
He doesn't talk.
J.P.?
No!
Hey. Hey!
Don't!
This is freakin' America, man! You can't do this!
No!
What is it?
Hey, buddy?
Where did that jacket come from?
My Bar Mitzvah.
It was a magical night.
Yeah, I bet.
Why don't you try it again?
Dumpster.
Found it by the dumpster.
All right.
Mmm.
They probably poisoned it.
Right.
Obviously.
What do you think they're doing to J.P.?
Nothing good.
What are you doing?
Getting us out of here.
You know, before...
I thought you were just another drunk.
I prefer functional alcoholic.
Seriously, who --
What are you?
That... is a long-ass story.
Flowers.
Yahtzee.
Get out.
What?
Hurry. I'll keep him busy.
Screw that. You're coming with me.
There's no time. Go. Get help.
Tina -- I know you will.
Help me!
Help me, please!
I need a doctor!
I need a doctor now!
What are you screaming about, girl?
Yeah?
Hiya, Sammy.
Dean?
Yeah.
W-wait a second.
Y-you're a -- Uh-huh.
How?
No clue.
Some scarface-looking dude, bright light.
Next thing I know, I wake up looking like Bieber.
Why would someone turn you into --
Don't know. Don't care.
Hey, we got any grenades?
What?
Don't -- wait, wait, wait. Wait a second. Talk to me.
Really, Sam? Now?
I got no grass on the infield, and a girl's gonna die.
Sorry if I'm not in a chatty mood.
Look, you wanted me back in the game.
I'm back in the damn game.
Come on.
Well...
Ma'am, allow me.
Your son is so polite.
Thanks.
Where are we heading? Tell you on the way.
Okay, okay. Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Wait, uh... Maybe I should drive?
Yeah. Yeah.
Okay. Seat. Seat. Seat.
Ooh.
Cake. Why would they give you cake?
Well, don't know.
It wasn't even good cake.
Too dry.
What?
Nothing.
Okay, not nothing. Look, this is bizarre.
Even for us, Dean. This is insane.
You -- you're like -- what, you're like 14?
How does it even feel?
Well, I'm me.
I'm -- I'm old me, but I'm a kid.
It's freakin' weird, dude.
And...
What?
There was a Taylor Swift song
on the bus that I hopped to the motel,
and, uh...
I liked it, Sam.
Liked it a lot.
Okay.
And my voice is weird, and I've got like nine zits,
and I have zero control over this.
I mean, it's up. It's down. It's up for no reason.
That's enough. Yeah, thanks.
Uh let's just call it puberty.
Yeah, which sucks. Again.
Well, listen, I checked out the alley where you got jumped,
and I found yarrow.
Which means what?
Means we're probably dealing with a witch.
Yarrow's a flower.
They use it in a ton of spells. Okay.
We still got some of that witch-killing crap in the trunk?
Hell, yeah.
So, we'll get you changed back,
and then light Sabrina's ass up.
Right?
Uh, yeah, about that.
It turns out, this whole freak show has an upside.
The Mark is gone.
How?
Well, I figure if this hoodoo
slammed me back into the body I had when I was 14 --
You didn't have the Mark then.
Yeah, and if we reverse the spell --
then it's gonna come back.
That's what I'm thinking.
So...
Maybe we don't.
Wait a second. Are you saying you want to stay like this?
No.
No, but...
If it's between being a psycho rage monster/borderline demon
or a teenager, well...
Really?
Look, I'm not a fan, either, but...
Sam, this is problem solved.
And I'm still me.
I can still hunt.
I'm just, you know... dewier.
Okay, look, y-you have a point, kind of,
but, dude --
I know.
Some good news, though --
virgin liver.
So, what do you say when we're done doing our hero thing,
we take her for a test-drive?
Yeah, sure.
I mean...you can drink again in, what, like seven years?
That's not funny.
That's kind of funny. That's not funny.
Oh, come on, man. It's kind of funny.
Looks like someone's home.
Okay. Let's go in through the basement.
Get Tina out first. All right.
Still open.
Tina?
All right, let's go.
Dean, I'm way too big to fit in that.
First time you ever had to say that, huh?
Big talk coming from the dude wearing underoos.
Okay, good one.
Here, why don't you go around back for another way in?
Yeah.
Don't!
Where's the girl?
Upstairs. Alive.
What did you do to us? Nothing.
I'm no witch.
I just work for one.
Crappy gig. Where is he?
She.
And she is the worst person in the world.
Is that so?
I've been with her for centuries.
Things I've seen her do.
My sister and I,
she made us hurt people, kill people,
and when we tried to escape,
she caught us and tortured me,
and then she made me eat poor Gretel's heart.
Wait. Witch? Gretel?
What, are you saying that you're...
Hansel.
My name is Hansel.
Hansel? And -- and...and Gretel.
Hansel and Gretel, like the -- like the fable.
Like Brothers Grimm?
It wasn't a fable.
It was based on a true story.
They just gave it a happy ending.
Oh, okay.
We get to barbecue a celebrity. Cool.
You can't kill her.
You're just men.
We're more than that.
We're hunters.
Ah.
Then let me help.
Help? What's in it for you?
Because if you're going to fry that candy-coated bitch,
I want in.
You want to help?
Tell me how to turn him back.
Sam, it can wait.
Tell me how!
The hex bag that I'm wearing.
It will reverse the spell.
Squeeze it, and you'll return to your proper age.
Look, we waste the witch, I give you the cure.
Deal?
Your friend J.P. didn't have much meat on his bones.
But a good cook works with the ingredients she's given.
Mmm.
Oh. Wunderbar.
Oh, don't worry, liebchen.
You're too good for soup.
I'm thinking a nice, sweet chili glaze,
a few hours roasting in the oven.
And an apple in your mouth.
Hansel.
And pals.
Well, our lost lamb.
I thought we'd have to go looking for you.
Maybe even abandon our home sweet home here.
I never dreamt you'd be stupid enough to come back on your own.
Hansel, take care of them.
Yeah, he's not exactly your biggest fan.
Maybe you shouldn't have made him chow down on his sister.
I never made Hansel do anything.
Damn it!
They're hunters!
Rumpatur!
Now...who's hungry?
Don't move.
Ooh. Oh, scrawny.
We'll have to fatten you up.
Don't freakin' touch me.
Oh, I'm going to do more than that.
Children.
Oh, they're so sweet and innocent.
And delicious.
You'll see.
When I cook him up, I'll give you some, hmm?
If you like kids so much, why not go after kids?
What's with this whole Fountain of Youth?
Hmm, in the olden days, if a child went missing --
ah, the young died all the time.
Now, though, with all your Amber alerts and your milk cartons,
a person fillets one rug rat, and people get so angry.
Yeah, I blame Obama.
So, I improvise.
I take adults no one will miss and give them back their youth.
And then Kentucky-fry 'em.
It's the only way I can eat in peace.
So, uh, is it worth it?
I mean, word on the street
is people kind of taste like chicken.
A bit.
European children are more, uh, free-range, gamier.
Americans, though -- ooh -- they are heaven.
Fattier.
The meat, so finely marbled, it's almost buttery.
I just can't get enough.
Mmm. Awesome.
No! I am in awe.
This is my first visit to your country,
and I have to say god bless the U.S.A.
Oh, so, you're a tourist.
No.
It's business, not pleasure.
An old friend is causing trouble,
and the grand coven asked me to take care of her.
Poor, stupid Rowena.
Wait. Rowena?
She got red hair, a thing for ritzy hotels?
How do you know that?
Now you'll burn!
Stay down, boy.
Turn him!
The hell?
No!
That was crazy.
Like...psycho crazy.
And you do this all the time?
All the freakin' time.
Not all the time.
So...
Can you turn me back?
The hex bag went up in flames.
I'm so sorry, Tina.
We may be able to reverse engineer the spell, though.
Or maybe you don't.
Come again?
I got three ex-husbands,
50 grand in debt,
and not much else.
I was... kind of a crappy adult.
Maybe I'll do better this time around.
Get out of town, get a fresh start.
This is my second chance.
Everybody wants a second chance, right?
Sure you're gonna be alright?
Like I told you, I always am.
Can we at least give you a ride somewhere?
Give me the keys.
All right, here you go. It's all the cash we got.
Thanks for everything.
You stay safe out there, you hear?
I will.
And hey, we'll always have the Royale Motel, right?
So...
Grand coven.
Any ideas?
Doesn't sound good.
Well, sounds like an '80s hair-metal band.
You know, lot of hair spray, lot of eye shadow,
lot of keytar.
No? Nothing?
Come on, man. I'm painting a word picture here.
Is it back?
Look, I know what you're gonna say, okay?
But you were in deep.
I know, I know.
You saved me, and you saved Tina,
and...you pulled a Dean Winchester.
Thank you.
Anytime.
Look, man...
Do I wish the Mark was gone?
Yes, of course.
Absolutely, I do, but...
I wanted you back.
And now here you are,
and you didn't hulk out, so...
I'll take the win.
As for the rest of it --
the Mark, everything else...
...we'll figure it out.
We always do.
Damn right.
Let's get out of here.
I'm back, baby.
♪ Players gonna play, play, play, play, play ♪
♪ and the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate ♪
♪ baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake ♪
♪ shake it off, shake it off ♪
♪ heartbreakers gonna break, break, break, break, break ♪
♪ and the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake, fake, fake ♪
♪ baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake ♪
♪ shake it off, shake it off ♪
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